T O P

#485: Westward Ho!

#485: Westward Ho!

stmfliant

Potato Chip Bry is back!


frasierfonzie

How many iPads has he broken due to Amber Alerts?


Backlash6sic6

Evidently pusshole of the week Bry is back too! After all the heinous shit Bry has said about Debbie Chen, Maxwell’s wife, and pretty much every other female that’s been mentioned on the show (aside from Walt’s family), he says “I don’t know if I want gitem talking about my wife like that” what a pussy. Hang in there gitem, she’ll age out in a few years and Bry will lose interest. Then you can can ask about her thoughts on all the duck shaped breakfast foods you can dream up.


eightbic

Are you okay?


TESDdragracer

Only correct response to a comment like this


VenomusPL

Pusshole of the week this time was Flanagan. No one was even close...


TRVEKVLTIXT

Brilliant episode, i fucking love Frank, he comes across like such a good dude.


TheNewEnnui

Agreed. He’s the best Frank and a solid addition to the TESD extended crew


TRVEKVLTIXT

Yeah all all other Franks should bow before Frank 5. He's what Franks are made of!


TESDdragracer

He’ll always be Frank 1 in our hearts


argonzo

Walt and BLM was funny as hell.


UsidoreTheLightBlue

In Walts defense I thinking the same thing when he said BLM. "Why would this random tour guide just start bitching about Black lives matter?"


TESDdragracer

I do agree with Bryan that maybe in this day and age you wanna specify that’s the BLM you’re talking about


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TESDdragracer

I think you’re probably right. Honestly I’d like to think this lady was just having an awful day and is usually much more friendly and educational, that’s what makes the most sense to me. I think part of being a guide is maybe explaining those types of small details, but yeah I think she was off her game


hoyle_mcpoyle

If you relisten the lady told them she was talking about the Bureau of Land Management but Walt blew it off as "the department of nature or whatever."


abruno37

Hilarious episode, but does anyone remember the episode where Bry reads a story about someone complaining about an Amber alert ?


Ryan62468

Some Realist lawyer from Jersey I think


X-ile226

Who at two in the morning is wide awake and wondering if anyone else is up and watching ABC.


relauby

Episode 237: Mub. One of my favourites. Maybe Bry owes Billy Malcolm an apology. (Actually I was sort of impressed at how calm Bry was about the interruption.)


abruno37

Haha, if I recall he was angrier at Billy Malcolm than he was at the current interruption. Progress? It's funny, we listen to these episodes countless times so we easily remember that moment but I'm sure they don't.


not-my-turn-to-gaf

> but I'm sure they don't. they absolutely (and understandably) dont - given how many times they repeat or forget they've mentioned something


tickytavvy77

Just listened to it a few weeks ago!


pundemic

I mean this is the same guy who railed on people for saying "not all Muslims" then made sure to say "not all cops".


kingXcazam

15 away from the big 500!


KeyRageAlert

Party! Party! Party!


hurleyML

Can’t wait to see what Walt has planned for it!


tickytavvy77

2 hours?!? Hell yeah.


NoMatter

"We were jonesing for real pizza. Hey man, where's the sbarros at?"


frasierfonzie

That one got me.


argonzo

Underrated line in the episode. Frank 5 breaks up upon hearing it.


Pieholden

I'm pretty sure I know what mall he was talking about. Arizona Mills in Tempe (on the Phoenix border). It is right off two major highways and one leads down towards Mexico. The news out here has said for years this lot is one of the major areas here for cars being stolen. Except for the IMAX (largest in the SW), I never go into the mall anymore.


TESDdragracer

Would love to know what was talked about in that car as they searched haha


Chicken_Sizzler

Not from United States, how would you describe Sbarros to me?


BoozeToast

Shitty fast food pizza chain There's a famous office scene where Michael Scott is in New York and says hes going to his favourite New York Pizzeria then walks into a Sbarro


NoMatter

McDonalds for pizza? Sure, it's pizza, but fast food and cheapened.


PlaysWthSquirrels

So Debbie was right to worry about Bry's condition(s) hindering him on the trip?


TheNewEnnui

Debbie has to vault to #1 on the TESD rankings


TESDdragracer

Something tells me Debbie Flanagan is right about most things


Thelonius16

Then why can’t she put up curtains for her late-sleeping husband?


PlaysWthSquirrels

By not putting up curtains, we got that awesome story. She didn't hang curtains for the sake of the pod.


TESDdragracer

Cause he’s got his place under the bed, obvious question!


hi0039

It because Walt can't hang them.


ValentaPaxman

Is Walt so scared of his wife that he can't hang a pair of curtains to make his sleep more comfortable, is she that much of a selfish tyrant?


TESDdragracer

This escalated quickly


Jhonopolis

Walt isn't handy enough to hang curtains.


homemdonunca

I know, right? I'm absolutely staggered! I even [sort of "agreed"](https://www.reddit.com/r/tesdcares/comments/o005ik/483_a_joy_ride_in_space/h22m2tp/?context=3) with Bry's defensive reaction in that epi. lol.


TellemDaveSteve

Don't play with the squirrels, they have bubonic plague


watchutalkinbowt

Too bad Walt didn't try to pronounce 'bubonic'


robbieofcourse

An instant classic.


Gill__Baits

+1


morganpixie

This was awesome. I love when they go on adventures together. Hope it happens more often. They made a basic ass trip to the Grand Canyon sound so funny. Love it. Wish Q went next time. I would pay to watch them go to Mt Rushmore or anything. I know they would just make it awesome


Txtoker

While I agree, we would miss the brilliance that is them recounting the story to Q


Jhonopolis

I wish Walt would fly so they could go somewhere more exotic. Walt in a foreign land would be as good as Karl Pilkington.


lil-souichi

Being from Indiana someone recommending going to a Walmart to pass the time is so on brand lmao


GopherGrabber

I hate to admit it, but hanging out at Walmart because there was nothing else to do was something me and my friends did way too much of when we were teenagers. Small town Indiana life I guess.


Vertigo-153

PA here. Walmart, driving around, and getting food. That’s all we did


D-RAYMAC

Rural Ohio checking in on the Walmart is our Disneyland fun. Highly relatable


frasierfonzie

Hoosier here. I used to work at a movie theater so whenever I'd get off work at like 1 am or something, I'd always end up looking at the same DVDs and crap at Walmart. Its something to do when I wasn't up to setting a fire in a random field, ya know?


gdmcr95

Fellow Hoosier! In our defense, outside of Indianapolis and a handful of central cities, there's nothing besides hogs, corn, and Walmart. Unless they want to head south to Santa Claus at least.


MisterMiracle23

I am in tears at the reveal they didn't hike the grand canyon. Frank five saying we went to Wendy's killed me! Classic


NoMatter

"Round trip it's 12 miles"


G00DDRAWER

The confusion over Black Lives Matter and the Bureau of Land Management was pefect.


sweetcreep

I’ll never get tired of Walt’s yokel impression. “Hurr hurr hurr!!”


Daryldor

Haha yeah it’s great


blondeonfire

I’m about an hour in and holy shit, this is amazing! I was literally crying laughing when Walt was telling the story of the tour guide. This episode is an instant classic.


Ryan62468

Who would of thought after all these years, Walt is the coolest one on the podcast now.


kookedgoose

I’m confused about what happened to Bry


GopherGrabber

He didn’t want Debbie Flanagan to make him look like a bitch on the Grand Canyon hike obviously.


ANTristotle

Psychosomatic


b_buster118

a sudden case of diphtheria


KeyRageAlert

The modern-day version of "you died of dysentery"


turdvoltron

some kind of mental breakdown


K9NM

I know I say this a ton but Walt really is the BEST


schmidkid41

Great episode, but i was craving hearing the live dynamics of Q and Frank in the stash. It felt like they were a bit stunted in the banter and i so wanted to have a video on them as they shared the grand canyon news. Would love to hear the perspectives from the others on the trip as well!


PrayingForDebbieMang

I felt like I missed something. What happened to Bry?


Holku

He said he got sick but from the symptoms he described it sounds like an anxiety/panic attack


dorkimoe

I just got to the part he said he didn’t go and I’m shocked like wtf. he couldn’t let Mary Beth drive? But yeah if it was a panic attack I fully understand. Only thing that you wanna do is get back home. Poor guy


Thelonius16

> he couldn’t let Mary Beth drive? Neither of the teen girls on the trip were allowed to drive.


bananafanafo31

Nice!


TESDdragracer

Not a burn but I think he just got fatigued. Dude’s got chronic pain, and, speaking from experience, the body pain can take a real mental toil and you just start feeling like hot garbage and wanna go home. Glad he’s alright, nothing wrong with calling it when ya wanna


bigf00t1987

It was obviously a cold or flu or something. Who the fuck has an anxiety attack for 10 days?


argonzo

Bryan Johnson


UsidoreTheLightBlue

To be honest his description sounded a bit like the first few days I had Covid. It obviously could have been something else, like a panic attack, but his initial description literally made me blurt out "Jesus he's about to say he got covid."


turdvoltron

he's vaxxed tho


Ghostdog2041

Delta variant. It’s burning up the charts now. My sister said four of her vaccinated friends got it.


UsidoreTheLightBlue

He is, which is why I pretty much immediately assumed I was wrong. However, vaccines aren’t 100% effective. I assume he didn’t have Covid it’s just what his description made me think.


turdvoltron

👌🏿


Ateitupanddown

As someone who deals with mental health issues your body can only deal with so much stress before it starts to revolt. He’s going to give him self a heart attack the way he lives his life. Your body is not built to get that upset over that many little things every day.


MKF1228

His life is that hard?


Earthan

Probably not, but that’s just our perspective from the outside. He wasn’t exactly taught how to properly manage the stresses and anxiety that life throws at you.


TheNi11a

“This is what it’s like to live in the heartland, man!”


LittleOwl1871

God I hope that kid’s okay


sunday_jake

[https://abc7ny.com/new-jersey-amber-alert-rahway-missing-kid/10874804/](https://abc7ny.com/new-jersey-amber-alert-rahway-missing-kid/10874804/) Looks like they found the kid but the mother is still missing.


shitnewz

They actually just found her body in TN. Truly awful stuff.


LittleOwl1871

Oh how awful 😢


LittleOwl1871

Oh jeez, I was quoting Q.


hi0039

The kid was found alive, sadly not so good for the mom.


turdvoltron

i'm only 12 minutes in and i felt compelled to come here and say... god i love walt. "who knows what dangers we'll face after this, possibly our final, dinner together on this planet" lmao 🤣 edit : no spoilers but 45 mins in and now i'm not sure who is crazier, bry or walt. edit : 1 hr in, walt messing up the acronym lmao


NuttyMetallic

"Take nothing for granted, I learned that from the fuckin' guy with the whistles" - Walt


sleepyliz99

"Oh you were WITH them, were you??"


ostrich9

What happened to bry? He just didn't feel good and quit out? Such a weird outcome.


argonzo

yet wholly predictable.


Cross88

If anyone's curious, this memorandum banning drones at national parks is dated June 19, 2014. https://www.nps.gov/policy/PolMemos/PM_14-05.htm


AcademicCounty

WRONG! 1980s! *walks away smugly*


TESDdragracer

Well now I’m definitely not tipping you


frasierfonzie

Weird. With all those drones flying around in the 80s I would have assumed it was much earlier than that.


TESDdragracer

And not to be a know it all, but commercial drones like I’m assuming she was referring to were only available around 2006


Ghostdog2041

She said she was a former government contractor. I think she was confused and thinking of, like, Tom Clancy type drones.


TESDdragracer

I think she straight up said commercial drones though right? I assumed she meant drones used to take photos by civilians, which is why there started being so many more they had to great a law banning them. You might be right though, she could have just been having an off day and got a bit muddled in her explanations


dorkimoe

“Why would you think I would have a nerd. Look at me!”


MrSizzzz

Frank 5 Tweeted about a maid seeing him naked and they didn’t talk about that!?


tickytavvy77

Yes! I kept waiting for that story!


KeyRageAlert

There should definitely be a two hour Part 2. They've been posting all kinds of new info about the trip on Twitter that they didn't even mention!


tickytavvy77

Agreed! I love the additional info about the tour guide that Walt posted yesterday.


KeyRageAlert

I know! And how could they leave out that Flintstones village??? You know they're holding out on us!


DanielFyre

Where can I find this? Twitter?


manic98

A classic!


Punisherbrett

Damn. After ten years of listening Walt and Bry were a half mile from where I work and I had no clue. :(


raphaeladidas

We really missed out. If Walt gave the tour guide shit just imagine if Bry had been there.


G00DDRAWER

I was disappointed that Bry didn't make the trip, but it seems completely fitting for him to have to bail.


Txtoker

Q saying it just seemed right was so dead on


NotTooGoodBitch

I knew a kid in high school while growing up in Indiana where his dad turned his entire basement into the jail of The Andy Griffith Show. Locking cells and all.


Mountain-Papaya-492

Little did the kid know his Dad was down there dressed up as Gomer busting nuts and saying "Well Gollllly!"


watchutalkinbowt

Good excuse to dress up as Otis and get hammered


TurnUpTheBeef

Someone send Walt some nipple tape!


KeyRageAlert

Nothing an elegant sports bra wouldn't fix... With built-in GPS and probably some other gizmos and gadgets. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/sportsnews/article-9740749/Euro-2020-Social-media-users-left-bemused-Ukraine-hero-Artem-Dovbyks-GPS-tracking-vest.html


MiXiaoMi

This episode is an instant classic, loved it. 11 years in and they can still produce gold!


Tehkast

Amber alert scared the shit out of me how often does that happen in the US never heard anything like it. My phone makes that noise I expect to see "this is the government nukes on the way your fucked laters"


sweetcreep

It really depends on location. I’m in NJ right by NYC so we get amber alerts from the 5 boroughs as well as central/north jersey. They’re still not that common all things considered. I say I get maybe five or six a year?


green_platypus

they're localized to where you live more or less. I get maybe 2 or 3 a year


hurleyML

I received this Amber Alert too because I’m in NJ. Scared the shit out of me because I was sleeping. They don’t really happen all that often though, thankfully.


KeyRageAlert

That did kinda happen in Hawaii that one time...


Tehkast

Don't blame em it is bloody terrifying.


NoMatter

Probably depends on population as it's localized to where the kid went missing. I, uh, turned mine off.


G00DDRAWER

I would love it if they took photos along this trip and posted them somewhere.


argonzo

https://twitter.com/franknumberfive


GitEmSteveDave

[For anyone wondering what the waffle maker I got an ad for looks like. ](https://imgur.com/a/4aykMPG)


[deleted]

What the fuck! I was expecting flat, penis shaped waffles with the normal nooks and crannies- not a waffle dildo.


NoMatter

No one expects the waffle dildo!


Daryldor

Lol just why?


GitEmSteveDave

Don’t know. It was suggested to me on Instagram from DHGate along with stuff like a tactical tow camper


watchutalkinbowt

>DHGate Come for the knockoff jerseys, stay for the phallus waffles


electricbamboogaloo

Extremely popular in the Taiwan night markets.


BaronsHat

Terrible decision not to go into St Louis. The Gateway Arch is pure Americana. Gotta see it up close, loved it when I visited. (I wonder if the soda fountain they were talking about is Crown Candy Kitchen? It's not downtown but I could see being warned off that neighborhood. I liked it, but I was visiting with a local.)


argonzo

Went there on a roadtrip from Chicago after seeing it on travel channel or something. Was perfectly fine with two little kids. I dunno.


campa86

Pizza is awful tho


BaronsHat

If you mean that Provel shit, yeah that's bad! I hated it.


schmidkid41

It is fascinating to see how much the world can become a scary place if you aren't regularly exposed to it. I always want to understand how they think residents survive such a place if they can't even handle a day in the city.... Similarly, the panic at the mall conceal and carry signs almost felt cute. I guess all the shootings just desensitizes you after a while.


PwnnosaurusRex

Holy shit. Walt telling the story of why they didn't go on the hike was hilarious. So great.


argonzo

Always nice to hear Bry being wistful about things he could've gotten angry about had he been there.


G00DDRAWER

Walt's on the "Plant Pedo" diet! I was taking a drink when he said that and Diet Coke shot out my nose.


campa86

Dude when Walt stopped himself mid "you drive a vagina car?" I snort laughed. But for real who buys an auto transmission muscle car?


Spaghettis_Revenge

What kid of car does bry have?


Zorakhatesyou

Got we haven’t gotten a TESD this long in forever and it was a fucking killer episode. Idk almost accept the two weeks between episodes if this is what we get lol.


Ateitupanddown

“Cool! We drove all the way to the Grand Canyon! Oh, of this is gonna be so awesome! Oh wait, no dad scared of something…again. OK everybody back in the car. Time to eat a plain hamburger, no buns…again”.


Rocket_Fodder

Too scared to go to St. Louis. That's the most pussified suburanite thing I've ever heard. Love it.


poser4life

The Devils play in Newark, New Jersey!


Ghostdog2041

Maybe they meant East St Louis.


Tehkast

No creaky signal he ok?


sunday_jake

Declan hasn't done the creaky signal in a while now. He just drops them once they are ready to go.


MattDLzzle

Bwahahha Walt confusing BLM with BLM is seriously one of the all time moment of the pod. Im not from a western state but i do know the Bureau of Land Management is a federal government agency that directly owns vast swathes of the southwestern and western plains states (like think sometimes 70% plus of the land area of the entire state the people of the state having no rights or access to) and basically all it does is concern itself with preventing the people who live there from doing anything with that land. So naturally they are upset about that. When Bry said "Maybe they mean Bureau of Land Management" i died laughing.


chugsNOThugs

u/Franknumberfive what was the name of the flea market in St Louis?


jboisen88

"Plant pedo."


reddituser999000

talking about pedophiles during a commercial? man i love these guys, they’re the best! and more q on the patreon? awesome. and i hope father flanagan talks to alicia about the trip, i’d love to hear it from her perspective. does she find it adorable that both her parents crave the comfort of mall pizza?


brucetifer

If anyone’s interested, the Mayberry Cafe is in Danville, IN. Literally the next town over from where I live.


TESDdragracer

Now I just want a Maribeth and Alisha pod for the patreon


frasierfonzie

The TESD Teen Queens


lurkerant_

lol except she's almost 30


homemdonunca

lmao


sexwithpenguins

At around 1:18 when Walt and the Fives are in the sketchy diner and Johnson says, " Did you ever think, 'Maybe it's us?' ". First of all, I was thinking the same thing he was, which is scary enough to be in his head for even a second, but why doesn't he ask himself the same insightful question after one of his many flights of rage when he's blaming everyone else under the sun? Also, and this may just be because of my background in working with survivors of rape and domestic violence, but is it possible the waitress thought maybe Alicia was being trafficked and she was looking for signs or signals from her? Because if the town is as rough a place as they say, and they were in a diner off a major highway late at night, they probably see a lot of that kind of thing and waitresses may be on the lookout for it. That may explain why she was staring at Alicia traveling with these middle aged people. Just a thought.


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Txtoker

Well he is smarter than JOHNSON


BaronsHat

Bryan has joked about Sage getting boned by a mentally retarded boyfriend named Prince James, offered "three hole" privileges to his ex girlfriend Suzanne, and repeatedly laughed at the notion of one day replacing Ming in Debbie Chen's life. There is no "line" for Git Em to cross here.


turdvoltron

he never admits he's wrong. never.


Ghostdog2041

Correct! Not once. The story is that he was always going to do exactly the right thing, and the other person either misunderstood him, or there was a time constraint, or they told him contradictory instructions previously.


ValentaPaxman

As usual Walt makes a mountain out of a molehill to make GitEm look like an asshole, obviously it was a joke that fits Bry's dark humor, we all know if Walt sent the ad the Ants would be hailing him as a genius but because GitEm does it, it's wrong.


GrizzledNoob

I really wish you hadn't listened to all of those assholes telling you not to go down the Grand Canyon. You missed out on a great experience because you listened to the internet of people that know everything. I don't think you should hike down it yourself on some path that nobody else takes, but you should have done it. If only Bryan was there. He would have made sure you went down there and ignored the internet geniuses. Maybe next time. Either way the trip story made for a great episode. Thanks for sharing!


Ateitupanddown

Wait, Bry gets upset about something that everyone else deals with everyday? What. A fucking. Shocker.


kingXcazam

Anyone else get creeped out when Bry said Mari Beth wanted to get super close with Walts daughter, and she was obsessing over her.


Ghostdog2041

I mean, if you were forced to hang out with someone of the opposite sex 30 years your senior and all of their friends, wouldn’t YOU want to hang with someone that is more like yourself?


not-my-turn-to-gaf

not sure its that creepy...they are about the same age.


KeyRageAlert

Kind of disappointed they didn't make it onto the Skywalk. Wonder if Walt was too scared?


Thelonius16

That's hundreds of miles from where they were. It's on the West side of the canyon.


KeyRageAlert

Well, they drove far enough. They could have planned it a bit better, methinks.


Threetimes3

Not sure if you've ever done a cross country drive before or not, but when you've done that much driving already, every extra hour (and this would be 4 extra hours each way) can feel like torture.


KeyRageAlert

Hence the planning ahead better.


thatguyandy_02

Walt is such a wet blanket


Mountain-Papaya-492

I have a question for you guys. They've talked to a couple comics before. Have they ever talked to Doug Stanhope? He's been on the IJ cruise before and has a tangental connection to Q I think. I was thinking it's a shame they were right by Bisbee and a conversation between Walt and Doug would be fascinating to hear. They should just do a swapcast in general.


BaronsHat

I don't think so. Q was a guest on his podcast and Stanhope did a prerecorded bit for the Vinylcast 2.


Mountain-Papaya-492

Thanks Ima have to look up that Stanhope ep now with Q. Still think him and Walt despite being polar opposites would get along super well and have some fun talking.


watchutalkinbowt

https://www.reddit.com/r/tesdcares/comments/2kgiu8/i_just_heard_doug_stanhopes_podcast_with_q_and_sal/


x-com1

I loved this episode, especially them basically not going into the Canyon because they were listening to idiots. Though to be fair, someone should have talked Walt out of going to some of the hottest parts of the country during the hottest months of the year.


VenomusPL

Wow, Walt really pussied out in this one. From the grand canyon, to the ghetto 50s dinner to the tour guide. Yikes.